Monday Night Football - 2026 Fantasy Preview - Week 5

A weekly newsletter for members of the Harry Koch Memorial Cup Fantasy Football league - all others will BE DENIED ENTRY INTO MOST CUTESY THIRD WAVE COFFEE SPOTS IN THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST FOR THE REMAINDER OF FALL

Koch Safari League Preview Watch Guide for Tonight

The offenses have come alive, with season record 5 teams projected to end the week >150pts - a number only 5 teams have reached this season thus far. The onslaught of points is an indicator of a K shaped economy, and is leaving the have nots, asking.. why not? Well - the answer to that question, is skill/talent/effort. Similar to the actual economy - everyone who is doing well is moral, deserving, and good - and everyone who is not, has done this to themselves. As one of the haves - I feel extremely confident speaking on this. Look at my 24 moves, I am a hustler. And this position wasn’t bestowed upon me - it was earned! Who else picked donkey kong which then led to getting the consensus 1.1 pick who has since averaged 32ppg. Anyways, you all are spiking my cortisol before 8am, which is a rite typically reserved for my squash partner, Thomas. It’s the MNFP.

Games

(3-1) Buffalo Bills @ (2-2) Los Angeles Rams

• 8:15 PM EST / 7:15 PM CST / 6:15 PM MST / 5:15 PM PST / 1:15 PM NZDT (Tuesday)
• Line: LAR -3.5, O/U 54.5

Matchups

✅ 99% - 71.26 points: James Ray Ervin Yonts (2-2) vs whatever man (0-4)

Alex SHATTERED the 100 pt ceiling for the second straight week, hauling his season weekly average up to 103ppw - roughly 42 pts < his weekly average last season during his championship run. Jam - the smucker from south shawmut - continued his dominance, as the man with the strongest receiving corps, benefited from the twin glockies, Warren and Irving busting for 33+ at the RB slots. Look for Jimmy to absolutely exterminate Kyle next week and for Alex to contend for his first victory, against the Chaseless chubbs. Puka will need to hold his 9 pt lead over Stafford tonight to earn Mr Beast his second straight TRUUUUUSSSSSS ME DADDY that felt strange BIGGEST SUMMER BLOWOUT of the week.

✅ 99% - 64.56 points: Silly Shrek Squad (2-2) vs Tuten Brown (3-1)

Keith tried his most convincing Alex impression and told his team to take the rest of the week off when they reached 98.8 pts. Nearly the perfect body temperature, but not nearly enough pts to deal with the Silly Shrek Squad. Aided by 6, 20 pieces McChuggaluggits, Nick has his s(quad) looking tight and right. It will all come down to the fluorescent white veneers of Matthew Stafford to see if Nick is able to grab his first biggest blowout of the season, and move further into contender territory. Fantasypros is not yet a believer, putting his playoff odds at 29% and championship odds at 1% respectively, second lowest in the league. Guess they don’t know how to model the silliness coefficient - because AI has no soul.

✅ 92% - 21.82 points: Robotripping Gardener (4-0) vs BDSM AI Stealth Founder (2-2)

Hy stormed out to an early lead behind a 100 pt, early window hero effort by Drake Maye, Christian Watson, and Isaiah Likely before Robo had even made it home from the dance. The chat was chanting his name, clapping him on the digital back like ole school chums. This was the Pearl Harbor surprise (and cowardly) assault to Patrick’s eventual response at Midway (Lions v Cardinals) where he went for 90 in that game alone, to even the score. You would have thought this incredible display of force would have further aroused the BDSM stealth founder - but alas, he became submissive and docile, shortly thereafter showing his vulnerable underbelly for Tyler Loop to place the finishing kick as the sun set during SNF. Look for Kyren Williams to add a little powdered sugar to victory tonight, despite Hy’s calls for his injury in the chat. Patrick moves to 5-0 despite the second most points against (currently led by whatever man).

✅ 91% - 18.73 points: Scott RingWendies (1-3) vs Rub a dub lost the Chubb (2-2)

In another fairly high scoring affair, Scott was able to lock up a critical win to stay attached to the 2-3, 3-2 cluster against Rub a dub. RingWendies currently holds a 2.5pt lead with James Cook still to play tonight. Justin Jefferson appears to have returned from the dead, and would have had an even better stat line if he didn’t add an -11 yd loss on a rushing griddy to his afternoon. Matt #1 still appears to have a fair amount of firepower on his bench, and will look to the stars for guidance in weeks to come (primarily to Cassiopeia - the vain queen). Fantasypros is still a believer in chubbless in chattanooga, continuing to offer Matt the third highest championship odds this season at 11%.

72% - 10.39 points: Zen Buddha Boys 🪷💨 (2-2) vs RosterMogged (2-2)

In our first of two matchups still to be decided, Kyle sits ~34 pts down to Skylar, with Davante Adams and Keon Coleman remaining. So far this season, these have both been boom and bust type players - so the heartbreak scenario loading is almost certainly one of them going for 29, and the other going ghost. This matchup is guaranteed to produce a new weekly low record this season (Zen’s 88.79 would be the lowest), and it very likely will also produce the second lowest week as well. Imagine heading back into work, sitting at 54pts - how do you respond to Karen when she asks you how your weekend was. Here’s hoping RosterMogged turned to something more productive like bone smashing instead of watching his island of misfit toys mostly get injured, and also score 0 pts. Dual shotguns 🍺🔫 for these recurringly punished midwestern mutual fund managers.

65% - 6.88 points: Kiwis are better than mid (2-2) vs MELONHEADS (daniel) (2-2)

Tonight’s main event begins with but a 2 pt differential heading into MNF. On the Kiwi side, it’s the all american JOSH ALLEN - and on the melon side, it’s DALTON “you can kid me, but you can’t caid me” and Khalil Shakir. Looking back over the last 4 weeks, the closest these two have gotten to outscoring Josh - was ~9 pts in week 4 (and it’s typically ~15). I’m not entirely certain this particular feat can even be done mathematically (barring injury), so this win probability feels like a soft spot in Yahoo’s logic. That being said - Yahoo is infallible and it’s still tonight’s MAIN EVENT. The good news is, both of these international managers will likely not spend any time watching tonight’s game. It’s time for MNF.

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