Monday Night Football - 2026 Fantasy Preview - Week 3

A weekly newsletter for members of the Harry Koch Memorial Cup Fantasy Football league - all others will be forced to go to Cleveland and sing Cleveland! while doing an impression of Cleveland.

Koch Safari League Preview Watch Guide for Tonight

Patrick has fallen ill with “Responsibilities Disease” so your beautiful and glorious commissioner is here to save the day with a special, Nick Edition of the MNFP. Much like Aaron Glenn tearfully embracing Dan Campbell, you all have come crawling back to me to get your fix, and I’m here to inadequately deliver!

Welcome to Boo Boo City, population: YOU. It is scientifically proven by Reddit scientists that this year is an abnormally bad year for injuries in the Fantasy Football world. Winning has become less of a battle of strategy and more a war of attrition. Except when I win, in which case I outsmarted the random injuries. Like hyenas of the great savannas, we will descend on the waiver wire to gobble up any scrap of healthy players that will certainly be the key to a successful season. The time-share backup to an unproductive RB on the worst offense in the league is totally worth 100% of your FAAB, right? Welcome to Boo Boo City. Welcome to hell. Welcome to the MNFP.

Games

(2-0) Philadelphia Eagles @ (1-1) Chicago Bears

• 8:15 PM EST / 5:15 PM PST / 4:15 PM AKDT / 1:15 PM NZDT (Tuesday)
• Line: PHI -4.5, O/U 41.5

Matchups

94% - 25.09 points: Tuten Brown (2-0) vs The Quincels (0-2)

Another rough outing for the Quincels as he’s poised to be this week’s POOPY PANTS MEGA BLOWOUT OF THE WEEK sponsored by Bluey Luvs platinum protection diapers. Keith has 32 points and Johntayvion Wicks locked and loaded tonight against Alex’s Saquon. Look for Alex to reach out to Punk’d producers on LinkedIn in hopes that Barkley has just been pulling off an elaborate prank and is actually still good. Will Alex ever get to control his name again? The data points to no, but anything is possible! Especially after the BLOCKBUSTER trade he just pulled off.

✅ 100% - 20.66 points: Zen Buddha Boys 🪷💨 (0-2) vs one sec I’m COOKing (1-1)

One of two completed matchups heading into the Monday night game, and Scott’s goose is cooked. Skylar consulted the big Buddha man himself to acquire Saint Shough (what a cross-functional collaboration) and rode that white boy to victory. Both these young men fall to 1-2 and are at a pivotal point of the season where they need to decide to lash out at everyone or overcome adversity. To quote the article I linked, “My enemies list has grown exponentially. It is not good for my soul.” Something to think about.

96% - 17.62 points: Rub a dub lost the Chubb (1-1) vs BDSM AI Stealth Founder (2-0)

Here Hy hopes Hurts gets hurt tonight as that’s his only path to victory. Matt’s Chub Squad beat down Hy’s Kinky AI Guys (they probably liked that) and now sit just 3.84 points behind with the Quad God himself, Jaylen Hurts, yet to play. Hy probably shouldn’t have trusted Ohio people who eat chili on spaghetti not to shit the bed on defense (and in their personal lives (which the kinky guys might also like)). With -1.25, the Bengals D locked Hy into a shotgun treat this week. Look for a sad boy update later this week outside Greg Abbott’s home as Hy gets arrested by Texas Secret Service due to the confusion around “shotgun” in this context.

89% - 16.22 points: Robotripping Gardener (2-0) vs Kiwis are mid (1-1)

The darkness over the league grows darker as Patrick continues to roll through the league. Pat’s pack put the pincers on the fuzzer fruit boys on Matt’s team (I’m talking about Kiwis, you dirty bird), leading by 11.58 points heading into tonight with Swift still yet to play. Matt’s only hope is that the Eagles D ding dongs all over the QB-free Bears tonight, snuffing out Swift and getting some TDs of their own. Maybe this wouldn’t have happened if SOMEONE hadn’t broken the embargo and traded with the Gardeners… You all should probably trade good players to his next opponent, whoever that may be.

72% - 8.09 points: James Ray Ervin Yonts (0-2) vs MELONHEADS (daniel) (1-1)

Dan’s dirty dogs did him dirty this week, leaving him in the hole 22.31 points heading into the night. His last bastion of hope lies in DeVonta Smith who, to be fair, scored 25.7 points just last week. Imagine if Dan hadn’t started the Packers this week, as they scored -5.75, earning him another shotgunning. With an owed can cram from week one, Dan’s now got to double barrel DDP to fulfill his oath before turning green and fading away. Jam saw this presumed victory and promptly traded away his loyal boys, almost certainly ruining team morale. I’m predicting that he will not win another game with multiple players requesting trades, team USA hockey style.

✅ 100% - 3.17 points: Silly Shrek Squad (1-1) vs RosterMogged (1-1)

The alpha and the omega matchup of the week, the league’s longest-standing member (because he made the league) beat up on our newest hire this week with a MASSIVE, 3.17 point victory. Adams did his best to raise Nick’s blood pressure, catching a 50 yarder in the second to last drive, but thankfully he’s old and slow so he wasn’t able to take it all the way. The good news for the commissioner haters out there (all of you), Nick’s RB room got Thanos snapped twice, knocking out the Achane twins. The bad news for you haters is that his RBs sucked already, so the drop-off is minimal. While it wasn’t the deciding factor, Kyle foolishly chose the 49ers D who netted -0.25 points this week, earning him a shotgun sesh this week. 49ers giveth (Purdy) 49ers taketh away (Defense).

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